DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married next year and is planning for her bachelorette party. Right now, they are looking at places that have a three- or four-night minimum and would cost each person more than $500. (That’s just to rent the place.) It wouldn’t cover food, gifts, etc.
My friend isn’t a fancy, extravagant person, so I was shocked by the length of time I’ll need to take off from work and the amount of money I will have to spend. I worry if I try to (nicely) say something, it will come across as not caring about her, her wedding or doing this for her. It’s not that I can’t afford it, and I think I should have some time off available, but it’s going to cost more than I’m comfortable with. Am I being unreasonable? I wouldn’t want to not make her feel special. — SOUR ON IT IN INDIANA
DEAR SOUR: You are not being unreasonable. You are practical, and your reasoning is sound. If your friend’s bachelorette party will be more of a financial stretch than you can comfortably afford, you need to level with her, because the wedding will cost you even more. What isn’t reasonable is for her to expect everyone to drop everything and blow their budgets in order for her to “feel special.”
DEAR ABBY: I had a best friend I got together with weekly. She decided she needed to move away to a quieter place. Of course, I was disappointed, but I supported her decision because it was right for her. She promised me nothing would change, but we lived too far apart for our weekly visits to continue, so I hoped we would talk weekly by phone.
She canceled our last get-together, saying she was stressed and busy preparing for the move. I told her I understood, and I’d give her space and time to settle in and would wait for her call when she was ready. The call never came.
We have seen each other a few times in the years since she moved, always at her suggestion. I gently reminded her of the phone calls we used to make and mentioned getting together a few times, but I received no response. Must I just let her go? I want to tell her how much I miss her friendship, but I’m afraid it will make her feel guilty or obligated. — GRIEVING IN CANADA
DEAR GRIEVING: Yes, you should let her go. Your friend no longer feels the tie to you that she did when the two of you lived close by. If you want to tell her how much you miss her friendship, you are entitled to do that. But please recognize that not all friendships last forever; some have an expiration date, and the one you had with her appears to be one of them.
DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You are the personification of patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.