I am relationship my friend’s ex – she will not want me to tell him

Dear ABBY: I am a 40-additionally-calendar year-aged single male. I just lately started off hanging out with one particular of my buddy “Tom’s” ex-girlfriends. It is now turning into far more than good friends. “Pam” and I both have thoughts for just about every other. She and Tom dated for 5 months and broke up eight months back. 

Do I owe it to Tom to question his permission or tell him I’m seeing her? Pam has asked me to not say anything at all and to allow him locate out on his individual, which will come about because we have quite a few mutual mates. I want to regard her option. But also, as Tom’s buddy, I come to feel the appropriate point to do is inform him. Please suggest. I’m stuck concerning her wishes and performing what I consider is ideal. — Trapped IN THE Center IN IOWA

Pricey Stuck: Have a discuss with Pam. Demonstrate that you are not positive how Tom will react if he sees the two of you arm-in-arm with no warning. He may perhaps not treatment, but he also could be upset that you are dating and hid it from him. Then tell Pam that, in light of your friendship with Tom, you want remaining upfront because it’s respectful and you really don’t like holding insider secrets.

Pricey ABBY: My mother died a couple of many years in the past and still left behind a lot of collectibles that are well worth reselling. I am the oldest of five children and have expended the most time and energy moving out her collection, with a lot of support from two of my siblings, “some” help from one and certainly none from yet another 1. 

In her very last days, Mom described not to “forget about the gold.” She experienced collected some scrap gold that I marketed for $900. I have been sorting via the remaining stock with no assist from any of my siblings. Is it wrong of me not to share that cash with them? — Overwhelmed SIBLING

Expensive Overwhelmed: If you genuinely felt relaxed pocketing the cash, you wouldn’t be asking me this query. Pay attention to your conscience and share the proceeds from the sale of the important steel with your siblings. To go away one particular of them out would assure an estrangement. 

Expensive ABBY: A good friend of mine was questioned to leave a cafe soon after the test had been compensated mainly because people ended up waiting for tables, and he was remarkably insulted. My placement was that it was courteous to go away because persons had been waiting to have their dinner. He felt the waitress had no correct to ask their party to go away. What is your acquire on this? — COURTEOUS IN THE EAST

Pricey COURTEOUS: I consulted Priscilla, functions manager at my most loved cafe in Beverly Hills, about your problem. She spelled out that some places to eat have a 90-moment time restrict for diners to leave the restaurant. (For greater functions, it can be up to 120 minutes.) 

My acquire on this is that fairly than generating it the duty of the server to request your buddy to give up the desk, the manager ought to have arrive over and done it. It needn’t be an disagreeable exchange. A supervisor may perhaps from time to time provide the patron a seat at the bar and a free of charge drink or dessert in the title of excellent buyer relations.

Expensive Abby is created by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was established by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Get in touch with Pricey Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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